Rantirator

YEP

2006-09-10T22:24:00.000-07:00

Goodbye, front door.

Goodbye, 31st St.

Goodbye, USA.

I will miss you all.

The future looms

2006-09-08T13:50:00.000-07:00

It sounds like I may have an offer on the place today. My realtor has been asked about putting a purchase offer together... get this: by more than one party.

So we'll see...

Rantirator may be rantin' right outta town... sooner than she thought!

I love my 'hood

2006-08-20T11:06:00.000-07:00

For as long as I've been an adult, living away from my parents, people have felt the need to disparage the places where I live. From my first basement apartment in Stevens Square to my two places in Phillips to the house I have now, one block off *GASP* Lake Street. (Even though Powderhorn Park is supposedly an upgrade from Phillips...)

But guess what?

I love living here.

I love how I can go into Welna Hardware on 25th and Bloomington with my umpteenth broken window and they know me right away, and smile.

I love the Park and Lake carwash, where Sam the manager is always trying to hook me up with somebody to rent an apartment or do repair work.

I love the Greenway. I love the renovated Sears building. I love Isla Tropical rice-cream bars from the Mercado Central...

Every other car that drives by my house is blasting Cumbia, or Bachata, or Ranchero.

I go into Chicago Lake Liquors and the Eritrean cashiers are bopping their heads to merengue music.

I love that my block has a boxing studio across from a funky church run by a lady with blue and purple hair. I love the dingy-looking kids who ride around on super-tall bikes that they build from scrap and do guerrilla gardening on boulevards and byways.

What can I say? It's all just so fucking awesome. Summer evenings are like a parade in front of my house, as all my neighbors gather up the kids and mosey down to Powderhorn Park for soccer.

Ahh... and the park. Where else (okay, besides the lakes districts) can you find such a beautiful, natural space, smack dab in the middle of a neighborhood??? Where else can my dog bark vociferously at ducks, butterflies AND children, all on the same walk?

Damn.

I am going to miss this place so much.

Doesn't it suck....

2006-08-19T21:16:00.000-07:00

The way we can always tell what's wrong with our friends/family/coworkers and what they should be doing differently with their lives... but hate it when anyone tells us about our own?

A couple of friends called me tonight. (late)

The first one called my cell. I saw her number and did not answer. She then called my home. (Duh, it's supposed to be the other way around, right?) Anyway... I knew she'd be full of drama, so I let her go straight to voice mail. I saw her recently anyway, so that's enough. I have decided to alot her one meeting per month, max.

The second one was another friend whose calls I NEVER ignore, but often miss, due to scheduling conflicts. I answered immediately. He invited me to a future gathering, and then proceeded to rant about his girl problems. I swear to GAWWWWWWWWWWD I have heard his rant 10,000 times.

"she's hot, and I met her dancing"

"dammit, but she's all christian and won't sleep with me"

"who? what? the blonde? what about her? naw, she turned out to be a whore."

....
....
....

Anywayyyyyyy..... I don't think I need to comment on that irony, other than to use it as a segue back to my original point:

Why is it that we can see what's wrong with other people's lives/methodologies/etc but never our own?

People have lonnnnnnng been offering advice to me about which route to take; which path is best; what's stupid and what's not... ad nauseum.

When I look back on my past, I see instances where they were correct. I also see happy examples of where they were wrong, and discouraging... (thank goodness I didn't listen to those.)

But again I would like to pose the question:

When do we charge ahead, and when do you listen to others? How strong must your personal convictions be? Is there a guideline?

The only thing I can come up with is that we must all follow our own intuition... in retrospect I can identify qualms that I never shared, nor dared to even acknowledge about life choices I made... perhaps I should have listened to myself. Perhaps that is the answer.

Who knows?

There I go trying to answer my own questions once again.

Hmph.

Melancholy

2006-08-18T19:51:00.000-07:00

I met with a realtor this week, and in seven days time (just enough to fix up up the few remaining items) this beige, stucco hulk of a building will go on the market, like so many bushels of picklin' cucumbers.

Sigh.

How quickly I become attached to these monstrous and dilapidated structures. This is the third building, and in many ways, it has been my red-headed stepchild. The first was a duplex off Franklin Ave... my original love, my hope, and initial taste of success. I bought that piece of shit against everyone's advice... my parents above all, who wanted to KILL ME.

Vacant for over a year, the attic windows on that sad duplex had long since been broken, and pigeons had taken up permanent residence in the snow-sopping insulation which lay haphazardly strewn about. There was a drug bust there once... the legacy of which was that EVERY SINGLE DOOR in the building had been smashed in. (Yes, that even includes some closets.)

I'll never forget the day I had a City of Minneapolis worker come out to turn the water back on... which had long been shut off at the street level. (Presumably after all the pipes had frozen and burst.)

"Alright," the guy says to me, standing on the boulevard, pole-screwdriver in hands.
"Go open all the spigots."

I did that, and re-emerged to find him poised and ready.

"You ready?" He says to me.

"I think so..." I look at him quizzically.

"Alright..." He turns the lever.

"Now git in there and see what's leaking!" He barks.

I raaaaaaaaaaaaace in and up to the second level. Kitchen: check. Bathroom: check.

Run downstairs.

Kitchen: check.

*what's that sound???*

*like rushing water*

I race to the first floor bathroom.

Too late. The ceiling and walls have virtually collapsed under the weight of water, unrestrained by pipes which have long since met their maker.....

But anyway, in spite of all that shit, the plumbing, the pigeons, the chimney which literally teetered to one side and fell down, I loved that place. I made it my own, little by little, and it became a home - not only to me, but to the wonderful couple that moved in upstairs and saw me through my novice phase of landlady-ing. God bless them.

No really. Seriously. Cuz I fucked up a lot in those early days.

The second place was a fourplex. It had its issues too, but it was BEAUTIFUL. Actually, it was kind of like a spoiled beauty queen... demanding and aggravating, but you had to forgive it, cuz, well, it had THAT WOODWORK, and THOSE BUILT-INS, and it was so CLASSY looking. Plus there was the wonderful vacant lot that came with...

This place I have now, this final hunk of beams, plaster and lathe, is not my favorite. It never has been. The place was supposed to be a single family home, and yet some dipshit cut it to pieces, mangling its charm and eroding its character. They wallpapered the ceilings, for god's sake. They painted twelve layers of cheap-o Glidden crap over the top of it when it went out of style. They put KITCHENS IN A SECOND STORY ADDITION.

Really.

I ask you....?

But anyway... I scraped and I scraped and I scraped some more, and I enlisted the help of many kind souls along the way. Somehow (through my powers of bullshit) I managed to attract quality tenants, most of whom I would easily now count as friends.

Aaaaaand, the house has been (temporarily) wrested from the vicegrip of the demon Trumpet Vine... and the trim has been painted, and solar lights now grace a lovely, curving flower bed along the south side of this once-trash-ridden corner.

So it's ready to go. The apts have been cleaned, painted, and decorated ala Ikea, and they shine like virginal prom dates... for the moment.

And it is nearly time to say goodbye.

I hate goodbyes.

Molten Garbage, anyone?

2006-08-05T13:17:00.000-07:00

I know, I know, bitching about trash AGAIN, you say?

Yes. Damn right.

There's nothing quite like chillin' in the yard with a lemonade, smelling the sweet fragrance of cat litter, spoiled milk and half-eaten chicken wings... all tastefully baked in my dumpster by the 95-degree day.

Beautiful.

It's even more exciting to discover these goodies spread across the carpark by an industrious squirrel with a taste for 3-day old burritos.

What boggles my mind is that in spite of my mass emails to the residents of this building every 3-6 months outlining the expected procedures for garbage disposal, NOBODY SEEMS TO BE LISTENING.

Is it sooooooooo fucking hard to use PLASTIC GARBAGE BAGS (not paper shopping bags) and to TIE THEM SHUT??? How the hell does one dispose of food waste in their apt in a paper bag anyway? Do we only eat dry foods? What the hell?

And who swings the dumpster lid open and just leaves it that way? I mean, are we on crack here? It looks tacky, smells disgusting, and provides welcome refuge to squirrels and other aggravating life forms.

AM I OVER THE EDGE ON THIS ONE?????

FOR REAL????

I smell a conspiracy!

2006-08-03T12:07:00.000-07:00

Former Mpls CM Dean Zimmermann's trial for bribery charges has now begun.

I gotta tell ya, this whole situation stinks to me....

I know Dean Zimmermann. He was my old Park Board Commissioner-turned-CM, and used to be my neighbor as well. He's a decent guy, and I was shocked at the charges. Having said that, I DO acknowledge that he is not the sharpest tool in the box....

But here's what's REALLY WEIRD:

So Z apparently accepts bribes from Gary Carlson, a local developer who wants a zoning change on his building "Chicago Crossings" at 24th and Chicago Ave.

AND? you say?

Um, Carlson is a bit of a sharper tool, and there is no way in HELL he thought that Z could actually get his zoning change. I mean, if you look at Z's voting record and lobbying record on the council, you will laugh out loud. The man could not get a damn thing done around there - and the other members treated him like a child.

Carlson is not stupid. If he REALLY wanted to get shit done, he would have gone for Robert Lilligren, Z's incumbent opponent and then-VP of the Council. I mean, I doubt that Lilligren would have taken a bribe... (hope not anyway) but at least he should have been a focus of some strong lobbying.

So... WTF???

And then there is another interesting tidbit that nobody is talking about... Who is the Gary Carlson guy anyway???

I know...

Aside from being a cocky, Walmart-style-nouveau-riche-type developer, he also happens (or happened) to do business with more than one of the infamous Sabri brothers.

Do we remember the Sabris?

One of them is still in prison for bribing another South Minneapolis Councilman. (That would be Basim Sabri and CM Brian Herron, respectively.)

Now, what's all this got to do with anything? Well, I know for a fact that the Sabris (those not in prison, at least) were highly interested in the outcome of these previous city council elections. In fact, Hamoudi Sabri (the youngest brother) even took an ad out in the paper seeking a political staffperson to run smear campaigns against both CMs Gary Schiff and Robert Lilligren.

The Sabris wanted to support and protect Z, because he was seemingly in their pockets.

Does this make any sense to anyone??? Not to me... One of the Sabri's partners hooks up with the FBI to bust Z (their guy) for bribery???

So strange....

Oh, and remember that zoning change that Carlson (and his Sabri partner) wanted for the Chicago Crossings? Well it went to the zoning and planning commission, and I was in attendance. Of course it went down... Because Z could not marshall any support from the rest of the council.

BUT

What was interesting was the way that Carlson BLEWWWWWWWWWW UP in the corridor afterwards at his Sabri partner... Telling him that he f-ed it up, and that Carlson was sick of him and his "no good brother Hamoudi" who had apparently bounced a $100,000 check to Carlson recently... (for what? for what?)

I thought he was going wet himself, he was so mad.......

So what the heck does all this mean? Did Carlson set Z up after this, cuz he was pissed at not getting his zoning change? Couldn't be, since the bribery stuff began earlier.....

So WHAT???

Conspiracy theories welcomed.................................

(oh, and regular theories too)

Now THIS is what you call recycling!

2006-07-25T13:07:00.000-07:00

These guys actually bought a skyway.

Like really, a SKYWAY.

I want a skyway too.....

If you want my money...

2006-07-24T13:09:00.000-07:00

...then insulting me is the wrong way to go.

I have an old house. It has funky wiring and 10,000 layers of paint over wallpaper over paint. It was neglected for many years before I came to be the owner.

So what????????????

I have busted my ASS for the past year and a half on this building, just as I did on the two previous buildings I owned, both of which started out shitty, and both of which, I might add, I sold for hefty profits to people who LOVED what I did with them.

So WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY do contractors feel comfortable making nasty comments about my crappy house, and how much work it needs, PARTICULARLY when they are hoping I will PAY THEM some amount to help me with it?????

I mean this is just plain stupid.

First of all, it's insulting. This is my house. I see the potential, and I see the changes that I have already made. My tenants love living here. Do not insult my house please, Mr. Asshole Handyman, since you cannot even spell properly, and had to email me from your sister's account because you don't have one of your own.

Second of all, if you want me to pay you for something that I know damn well how to do myself (because I've done it at least five times before) you might want to sell yourself a bit, illustrating how you will save me time, headache and money, rather than verbally degrading my property.

YOU are the one who wants to get paid.... remember???

Finally, if you compare me to a slumlord, you are OUT. THAT IS IT. OFF MY PROPERTY, FUCKER.

I cannot believe the absolute stupidity and lack of courtesy that was displayed to me this fine Monday.... it is astounding.

Oh, and one more thing:

Just because I'm a woman doesn't mean I cannot swing a hammer.

(I may swing one at your head if I hear the term "slumlord" again.)

Mystery Tow-Nazi Strikes Again

2006-07-19T18:22:00.000-07:00

Okay, so a week or two back I posted this entry about how my parents' trailor (which I had borrowed) was towed from 31st Street after roughly 12 hours of resting there... I tried not whine tooooooo much... since apparently there IS a law against unhooked trailors, (who knew????) but now I'm REALLY pissed off. A different vehicle was towed from the exact same spot this very afternoon.

Clearly we have a tow-nazi in our midst.

Yes, it was a junky looking pickup with a bashed-up back end. Nevertheless, someone (a neighbor from La Casa de Los Mexicanos across the street) has been driving it regularly. It was NOT abandoned... it was gone, and then back, and then gone again.

Alas, it has been towed, apparently as a result of ugliness.

Is everyone with me here on the irony factor???

We have prostitution, drug peddling, and a goodly share of the city's homicides and other violent crimes right here 'round good old 31st Street South. So why the hell is it that the only cops I see (besides those who race by, sirens blaring) are the ones tagging cars to be towed outside my house?????

Grrrrrrrrrrrrr....

I feel like knocking on my Mexican neighbors' door and telling them that I sympathize, and that even thought that truck WAS ugly as hell, I think it's bullshit that some busybody neighbor had it hauled off....

Alas, I don't know how to say "busybody" in Spanish.

Sigh.

Dear Mr. Home Depot Paint Guy

2006-07-10T15:50:00.000-07:00

What happened to us????

Your behavior of late has me contemplating a switch to Menards...

I sniffle with nostalgia at those bygone days of daily paint runs, and your constant, sub-standard attempts at flirtation. Remember those days? Remember mixing my "Chai Latte" and "September Sunset" (all in Behr flat interior gallons, of course) and how you counseled me on the value of Purdy rollers over those cheap six-packs??? Remember how you tried to look down my shirt and I caught you and you STILL did it again to the point where I avoided you like the plague for the entire summer of 2004?

Remember?

I do. I remember your stoned eyes and greasy long hair, (it freaked me out when you cut it - I thought that maybe your probation officer forced it or something...) and I remember how you used to bounce this rubber ball around the store... annoyingly.

Well now, my dear, what the hell happened?

First you disappear... I mean, the service improved and the other paint guys are infinitely more knowledgeable, but hey, I kinda missed you! I figured that you were either in the workhouse for drugs or maybe had moved up in the world... y'know... like to Ace Hardware or something.

But then, yesterday, as I doggedly made my third run for Behr "Mineral Red" and "Coral Serenade" with a side of semi-gloss trim white, I SAW YOU, back behind that trusty paint counter again.

You looked so cleaned up, with freshly-cut hair and just a hint of (metro-looking) shadow on your face, and you were squinting with irritation at some portly lesbian couple who apparently could not agree on the benefits of eggshell versus semi-gloss finish.

(I assumed that you had given them your signature, gruff statement about how semi-gloss is the only way to go unless you're a BLEEPING IDIOT, but perhaps you were working on self-control and that's what pissed you off...)

So I smile, run my fingers through enamel-caked bangs in a desperate effort to dislodge at least SOME of the "Coral Seranade" which at that moment served usefully as hair gel, and walked up to the counter. You frowned at me, as usual. I handed you my chips.

"Mineral Red, Coral Serenade, flat, interior, gallon, and Cottage White semi," I piped out in staccato.

"Ungh."

You grabbed the chip and turned to the computer.

"Ten minutes."

I beamed, and went to wander outside among the impatiens, lattice panels, and 40%-off apple seedlings.

When I returned, my dear Home Depot Paint Guy, you were busy with another customer, informing them of how the ceiling-texture-patch-spray was actually crap, and so I had to claim my paint from one of your esteemed colleagues.

And to my shock and horror....

He gave me quarts! (QUARTS?)

I stared at him in disbelief.

"Uh, did you need gallons?" His adolescent, acne-ridden face crunched up as if I were about to flog him with a willow branch.

"Um, yeah... but... that's okay... I guess I can start with these," I responded numbly.

"I'm sorry ma'am," he whined. "It's how he wrote it," and he pointed at.... YOU.

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?

I thought you knew me, Mr. Home Depot Paint Guy.... I thought you knew me.

We are SO finished.

Overheard in Minneapolis

2006-07-09T15:09:00.000-07:00

This website is absolutely hysterical.

Why didn't I think of it first???

Well he's no pro wrestler or Vampyre, but...

2006-07-07T07:59:00.000-07:00

...he is a fugitive from justice.

We get all the best candidates in Minnesota, I swear!

Rock on.

Who Knew????

2006-07-05T16:17:00.000-07:00

...that a trailer could be towed in Minneapolis if it's not hooked up to a vehicle?

Guess who learned that lesson today?

$130 poorer, one day before I was to return the blasted thing to my parents' country abode where it belongs... I feel bitter. I mean, I teared up for the cop and eeeeeeeeeverything! Told him it was daddy's trailer and I just didn't know... but to no avail.

Bastard.

I told him to hurry up and catch some hookers and drug dealers so his day wouldn't be a *complete* waste.

Yard Sale Daze

2006-07-01T18:43:00.000-07:00

Yard sales rock. I am equally please to have them and to browse them. In addition to equal pleasures of finding crap and unloading crap, I truly appreciate the underlying ethic of reuse.

You know what they say... "one man's trash is another man's treasure."

Of course, I prefer my words... "throw a usable item in the trash and I'll break your freakin' legs."

But that's just me....

At any rate, I do have one rant-worthy bit about yard sales in general:

WHO ARE THESE KOOKS THAT SHOW UP EARLY?????

Seriously, I want to give them papercuts - the whole sorry lot of 'em. Painful, slicing cuts of the variety endured by studious academics while flipping diligently through yellow-paged tomes in dimly lit libraries....

And then pour lemon juice on 'em.

I mean, for real: what the hell? I'm trying to haul my shit out into the yard, get it priced and arranged A GOOD HOUR before the sale is set to begin, and all the while my dog is barking vociferously at these early-morning intruders, making me look bad to the neighbors who prefer to SLEEP at this hour on a Saturday.... ACK!

Why do they do this?

I mean, yes, I might have some rare antique treasure, unbeknownst to me, which will be priced at a modest 50 cents... but what are the odds... really?

Are they as good as the odds of me kicking your ass for bugging me?

NOTTTTTTTTTTTTT LIKELY!

Thank God for Dumpster Divers

2006-06-28T15:37:00.000-07:00

Well here we are, once again, at the last week of the month. Damn, it seemed like we were here just... er... a month ago.

At any rate, I'd like to say a few things about moving.

First of all, moving sucks. Yes, I know that you are already aware of this, but it bears repeating simply by virtue of HOW MUCH it sucks. I mean, right???? Anyway...

So this month I have the double joy of moving myself, (well, moving crap I already own from another location into the one where I currently live) AND observing two of my tenants move out at the same time.

In a word: GARBAGE.

No, not them... but what they have filled my dumpster with.

I feel sympathetic to the plight of the mover, honestly I do - I am DOING it myself right now... so why is it that I have created less than one full bag of trash whereas my tenants have filled the heretofore empty dumpster to overflowing in a matter of days???

I understand that moving week is an opportune time to ask yourself the question "do I really use this fucking widget???" as you are jamming it into a box while dripping sweat and praying that you didn't lose a cat during that last hour with the door propped open... (maybe he's under a box?) But still, do you just THROW THAT WIDGET OUT? AND TEN MORE THINGS AS WELL?

Good lord, people. The waste that is generated by moving simply blows my mind.

And me? I am having a garage sale. On the first of the month. Widgets, toaster ovens and brick-a-brack beware... you are getting reeeeeeeeecycled!

Oh, and tidy, considerate dumpster-divers are most emphatically welcomed to partake of my tenants' waste!

In search of the bad guys...

2006-06-26T20:02:00.000-07:00

I'm still chewing on this apartment fire situation in St. Paul...

As a rental property owner, I'm irked by the tone of this article which clearly indicates that the landlord is the bad guy for allowing overcrowding in the building. How is the landlord supposed to know, for crying out loud? I mean, *I* would notice, since I live in my building, but for someone who does not (which is most often the case) and has a maintenance company mowing the lawn, doing repairs, etc., how the hell are they supposed to know that grandma let her kids and grandkids crash in the place after signing the lease? (I'm making this up as an example, I don't know who signed a lease for what at the St. Paul place.)

I mean, okay, it is ultimately the property owner who pays the piper for damage and some degree of lease violations, yes. But why do we make them the demons when half the time they don't know what the heck is going on?

And please don't tell me that landlords ought to be more aware of what's happening in their units (in a building where they don't live) because I have seen landlords who were omnipresent and they were accused of being nosy and invading their tenants' privacy. In fact, I know one owner who was accused of racism for wanting to install cameras in the common areas of her building to address claims of drug dealing there...

But I digress.

Back to the over-crowding thing:

Another part of me says who the heck cares if people want to jam up into an apartment? So? They want to save money? They don't mind sharing bedrooms with one another? Who cares? It happens in plenty of other countries...

Yeah, maybe there would be a fire. Okay. But guess what? A single guy in a 2br who falls asleep with a cig in his mouth can start a fire too. I know because it happened before in a building I owned.

Sigh. Whatever. I guess we just need to have a bad guy.

Can't it be the Mayor or something once in a while though???

Look, it's IKEA downtown!

2006-06-25T08:31:00.000-07:00

The new Guthrie opens today, hurrah-hurrah.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not bashing theater, or the arts per se... as a matter of fact, the Guthrie Theater is one of the reasons the Rantirator was born in Minnesota rather than Florida... (shiver)

BUT

The building is so damn ugly. Sorry.

Oh, and I love this line from the CVB's Greg Ortale:

Now people will want to come [to Minnesota] just to see the Guthrie and the Walker, and the MIA expansion and the Children's Theatre."

Um, huh? I kinda doubt it, buddy. Nice try though.

Rantirator is back!

2006-06-24T09:04:00.000-07:00

After a week-long hiatius at the super-secret-bat-cave abroad, the Rantirator has officially returned to South Minneapolis.

Unfortunately, I can't think of much to say right now.

So here's a nifty article about a lady who has apparently been dubbed the "Mayor of Powderhorn" park to pass the time until I come up with something truly rant-worthy.

Cheers!

This is why I HATE PRO SPORTS!

2006-06-12T21:22:00.000-07:00

Surprise, surprise, the poor little Target Center can't pay it's bills.

Can I get some shocked looks? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

So apparently we (Minneapolitans) bought the damn thing in 1995 for $84.6M, we spend about $6.5M annually to keep bright and tackylicious, and now we gotta subsidize this blinking behemoth for its $1.2M in LOSSES.

Losses?

LOSSES!

But I love this statement:

Timberwolves CEO Rob Moor, who is Taylor's representative to the city, said the council's action "shows a lot of commitment on the part of the city and how important Target Center is to downtown."

Ummmm... no. Minneapolis owns the damn thing, that's why they voted to pay this crap.

Oh, wait! This line is even better:

Under the deal endorsed by the Minneapolis City Council's Ways & Means/Budget Committee, the city will be more involved in arena operations.

Great. We all know what kind of saavy businesspeople end up in local government... I'm sure the Target Center will be profitable in no time under the hawk-eyed managment of our CMs.

Yep. Uh-huh.

Midtown Global Market

2006-06-12T15:23:00.000-07:00

I have taken my time in commenting on this market in the newly renovated Sears building, mostly because I wanted to check it out several times first before passing judgement.

On my first visit, I was pleased to discover that Holy Land had inexpensive feta cheese and olives for sale, not to mention cheap fresh pita bread. The produce market and flower stall were both lovely to walk by, though I didn't purchase anything because I found them overpriced. I was seriously annoyed at the fact that there seemed to be no espresso available.

On my second visit, I found the coffeeshop. Actually, I found two: Golden Tyme and Mapps. Both make fine lattes, and I will certainly be back on those mornings when I run out of my own sludge supply at home.

This past weekend I returned twice, and was pleased to see that they were showing the World Cup on a very large screen with tables gathered all around. I'm no soccer fanatic, but I seem to recall that in previous years one had to go somewhere like Brit's, (eh) and sometimes pay a cover for the privilege of viewing the game while drinking their beer.

Anyway, all in all I think the Global Market will be a very convenient place for me to shop, and I look forward to doing so without having to get in my car. At the same time, however, I have to say that the whole "global diversity" thing strikes me as rather contrived, seeing as how I only saw white people in there... and not just any white people, but seriously Linden Hills "let's go for an ethnic outing" type of white people.

Chicago Lake Liquors

2006-06-09T15:22:00.000-07:00

Yes, I have a strange obsession with the corner of Chicago and Lake.

Anyway, stopped into the liquor store this evening for a bottle of wine and they had these two cute little "promotional models" offering free samples... of... can you guess?

Chardonnay? (no)

Petit Syrah? (no)

Smirnoff Ice-Twister-whatever-the-hell? (no)

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They were offering free samples of COLT 45.

I SWEAR TO GOD.

Does this make anyone else laugh besides me? I soooo love my neighborhood!!!

Trash at Lyn-Lake? GASP!

2006-06-09T05:25:00.000-07:00

The Southwest Journal has an article about the owner of Top Shelf Tailoring (Lake & Lyndale) picking up trash in his spare time.

Now, I do realize that Phillips/Midtown is not exactly "southwest" and therefore not subject to coverage by this cute little rag. Nevertheless, it always gives me a chuckle to see the press that wealthier neighborhoods get over issues that we have had forEVAH over here.

Trash???? Gasp! What is the world coming to???? Who would dare pollute this darling neighborhood with their vulgar parliament butts and frito-lay bags????

I don't mean to degrade this guy's efforts, mind you. I'm glad he's cleaning up. Frankly I wish his shop was in my neighborhood... I could use some help.

Now we're shooting at cyclists???

2006-06-08T15:14:00.000-07:00

This is quite simply ridiculous.

A girl is riding home on her bicycle, and some idiot decides to take pot shots at her, ostensibly for fun.

Care to take a guess (if you haven't hit the link yet) as to the street on which this occurred?

Well duh, MINE. 31st Street, around Bloomington Avenue.

Yeah... mm-hmm.

And in your neighborhood news today...

2006-06-07T10:11:00.000-07:00

Another murder. This guy was found at Lake St. and 21st Ave this morning.

Seriously, someone should check with the local prostitutes... there are so many of them and they're always out - one of 'em must have seen or heard something.

Sigh.

What happened to that "safe city" initiative, by the way? Weren't we supposed to get more street patrol and stuff like that? Or is that just for Uptown and Downtown? I NEVER see beat cops around Lake or 31st... (not that they would have been there at 2AM, of course, but the last shooting over by South High happened mid-morning, as I recall.)

Obfuscation of the day

2006-06-06T07:19:00.000-07:00

So today the strib has a piece about how it has been a lean year for schools at the legislature. What is barely brushed upon with half a sentence in the middle of the article is that even years are BONDING years, and not typically the time for school funding.

The legislature appropriated $800 million for schools in 2005, (odd years being the BUDGET years) but apparently that's still not good enough.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not defending stadia, (particularly those for which I will have to pay through local sales taxes) but I'm just sayin'... this was the session for capital improvements, not budgeting for crying out loud.

Roads and bridges baby, that's what I'm sayin!

Late Rent Syndrome

2006-06-01T21:10:00.000-07:00

Well renters, today is the first of the month.

Yes, that's right, you heard me... the first!

Now don't tell me that you're not aware, I mean, come ON now, you all have jobs, you must certainly have had to write a date on something today at the office, right? Probably you also got paid today, at least if you on that "first and fifteenth" plan.

So my question is this:

Whyyyyyyy are there no checks in my box? (Again?) (Again?)

I know you guys pretty well. I live in the building with you, we hang out in the yard together from time to time, I know you're all just great. Furthermore, I know that you can afford to pay your rent, since you have done so, thankfully, every month.

I FURTHERMORE know that the stupid check is probably sitting on your kitchen table, and perhaps has been for a week or more, but you just "keep forgetting" or you "haven't seen me around and didn't think of it."

At least, that's what you'll tell me on Monday when I email you with a reminder that you should enclose a late fee after the fifth day...

For crying out loud people!

Yes, I know you can and will pay if I remind you. Yes, I can and will pay my mortgage(s) even if you're late.

But dammit, it's kinda RUDE, after all!

Grrrrr...

PLEEEEEEZE don't eat my house!

2006-05-30T20:39:00.000-07:00

Ever since the first moment I laid eyes on the orange trumpet vine, I knew that I had to have one for my own yard. I searched every garden store and examined my Burpee catalogs page by page in search of one for three years running... to no avail. Eventually I gave up, (these were my pre-googling days) and turned my attention to the more immediate concerns of managing the Lily Relocation Program while simultaneously recruiting soldiers for the War on Mulberries.

Then, roughly one year ago, I acquired the Powderhorn pad, ensconced so delightfully in a generation's worth of jungle.

No problem, I thought to myself, I'll just hack through all these weeds and re-landscape the place in a jiffy. It will become the crown jewel of 31st Avenue... people will come here on garden tours someday... they will bring digital cameras to capture the stunning colors and textures of a masterful landscape...

Yah, so anyway... I started hacking.

And I hacked some more.

And some more.

And still more.

And eventually I stopped, and I scratched my head for a second, and I thought:

WTF IS THIS SHIT????

The whole damn yard was overcome by this insanely invasive THING, this THING which grew back in about five minutes everywhere I hacked, yanked, or dug at it. It was insane. It gave me nightmares. It drove me to drink on those hot summer nights when I could practically hear the little devil growing into my foundation and over my bushes and into the trunk of my car...

And then, one day, as I doggedly battled against its latest assault on the arborvitae, I noticed a glint of color out of the corner of my eye. I thought it was trash, blown from the nearest busstop and wedged into the offensive bramble of the evil house-eater.

I looked closer, squinting.

No freaking wayyyyyyyyy... I thought to myself. I dropped my spade and walked over to inspect.

It was a goddamn orange trumpet flower, bobbing gracefully at the top of an enormous cluster of buds. What can I say? I was rendered absolutely speechless.

And the moral of the story is?

Careful what you wish for?

Nah, I'm thinking it's more like: watch out for that trumpet vine, it eats dogs, small children, and the occasional building.

Coffee Catastrophe

2006-05-29T14:01:00.000-07:00

Okay, it probably doesn't merit the level of catastrophic, but when my espresso machine EXPLODED today, I certainly felt (for a moment) as though it did.

I mean, there I was, dripping sweat in this 90-degree-plus weather, preparing to mix an iced latte and go sit out on my new picnic table (ala craigslist) for some sun, when I heard this enormous BOOM followed by the distinct sound of rushing water and sizzling steam.

Damn you 30 dollar Mr. Coffee espresso machine... DAMN YOU!

I spent the next 1.5 hours scrubbing "white chocolate decadence" coffee grounds off of my walls, windowsills, and kitchen furniture. I then dumped a whole tray of generic kitty food (the horror!) into the trash, as it was dotted with glass shards from the espresso carafe.

Damn, damn, damn.

All I wanted was an iced latte...

And now I am dreaming of the multi-hundred-dollar-super-swanky-RED model of espresso machine I saw recently at Kitchen Window... sigh.

To top things off, I also (recently) shattered my (Ikea) french press carafe, so now I am left with the lowly Moka Pot, which sputters and splatters and all-around pisses me off.

Grrr.

Thank god for Cafe of the Americas.

Apparently there will soon be a coffeeshop in the Global Market at the Midtown Exchange as well, which is much closer to my house. This will serve me well in the event of future, er, mishaps.

Today, a RAVE

2006-05-27T14:00:00.000-07:00

I LOVE CRAIGSLIST!!!

In the past few days, I managed to procure seven magnificent, huge, variegated hosta plants AND a crap-tastic old picnic table... FREE!

The week prior, I also snagged a free bookcase and dresser.

A couple weeks prior to THAT, I got a free bookcasey-dressery-combo thing, which has proven quite useful for plants and their attendent paraphernalia.

Honestly, craigslist freakin' rulz...

...and that is all I have to say today.

TV Livin'

2006-05-25T15:07:00.000-07:00

I don't watch television. It's not exactly on purpose, I do own one but it's been essentially non-functional for nearly a year. It does suck once in a while, like when I'm cooking dinner on a Friday night and suddenly crave the dulcet tones of Cathy Wurzer's voice, or a glimpse of Eric Eskola's latest scarf on Almanac, but for the most part I deal with it. Maybe I'm just too lazy to buy a new TV.

Anyway, what is really fascinating is that over the course of this TV-free period, I have noticed how much television shows and commercials come up in conversation. Coworkers, friends and relatives alike are constantly asking me if I saw the latest episode of 24, or American Idol, or that cool commercial about whatever-the-hell. Seriously, it happens like 5 times a day.

Now, I'm not going to get all high and mighty and start posting links to essays about the effect of TV on social decay or some crap like that, because the reality is that I have my own method of brain-rotting, which is the internet. (e.g. "best of craigslist") Furthermore, if I got my lazy ass up and bought a TV I'd probably watch more than I'd like to admit.

So I guess the point, quite simply, is that it has been an interesting experiment, (however unintentional) the unscientific results of which lead me to believe that the people around me watch a heck of a lot of TV.

Highly edifying information, I know...

DJ Tiesto at Myth

2006-05-24T09:06:00.000-07:00

I have never been a concert-goer, nor a big music person in general, as a matter of fact. The good scientist, however, is wayyyyy into trance music, and brought me with last night to see DJ Tiesto at Myth in Maplewood. (Yay, I learned how to link!)

It was quite the experience.

I was amazed at how packed the place was... and this is a venue with something like four times the capacity of your average downtown (Mpls) club. It was MOBBED. Crazy. 18+ too, I might add. (So many kids in braces it was bizarre.)

Anyway, in typical fashion, I was more interested in the club, the patrons, and the fact that this place is booming in Maplewood than I was in the actual show. (Don't get me wrong, Tiesto is impressive, but with 4 hours straight of ear-smashing trance, what's a person's mind to do but wander a bit?)

I have long been fascinated by the economics of entertainment, especially nightclubs, and I recall scoffing at the concept of Myth when I first heard about it. Alas it was obviously my Minneapolis-ophilism at work once again, and I was dead wrong. Suburban clubs DO appear to be flourishing...

(City Pages had an interesting article on this subject as well, I should add.)

So, okay, the following questions present themselves in view of this new suburban club phenomenon: To what extent will these clubs take business away from downtown Mpls? Do they even cater to the same audience? Does anybody really know? (I always thought I could tell suburbanites from city types at places like the Lounge and Quest and so on, but who really knows...) Also, I wonder how much the nightlife sector of downtown impacts other businesses, and what, if any, ripple effect there might be if people decide that it's too much bullshit to drive all the way to the warehouse district, pay to park, buy overpriced drinks and then fight traffic and police barricades on the way back home to, say, Woodbury?

I don't have a clue, but it's interesting to speculate...

Lucky Rosenbloom... again???

2006-05-23T12:56:00.000-07:00

Wingnut Example of the Day right here kids:

Lucky Rosenbloom.

I should point out that I learned of this news at www.mngopwatch.com, so kudos to them for finding the tiny blurb in City Pages Blotter:

Crime blotter: (not so) Lucky Rosenbloom

Last Thursday police officers were dispatched to a residence on the 3100 block of 18th Ave. S. in Minneapolis to investigate an assault. At the scene officers met with Jovan Badillo, who claimed to have just been attacked by his girlfriend's father.

According to a criminal complaint filed in Hennepin County District Court, Badillo told the cops that he went to the address to visit his girlfriend, Chelsea Weber. However, her father, Maryland Reynolds Rosenbloom--better known as Lucky Rosenbloom--answered the door.

Rosenbloom then went back inside the house before allegedly returning with a gun. According to the criminal complaint, Rosenbloom pulled the firearm from his waist area and pointed it at his daughter's boyfriend. Badillo responded by backing away from the house with his hands up, insisting that he didn't want any trouble. Rosenbloom then purportedly threw the man to the sidewalk and punched him. "I was in the army for six years," he declared. "Nothing will happen to me."

Lucky Rosenbloom is the son of St. Paul icon Jack "Tiger" Rosenbloom, who for fifty years sold candy, firewood, and various other items from his tiny shack at the corner of Dale Street and St. Anthony Ave. Tiger Jack died in 2001.

In recent years, Lucky has run unsuccessfully for numerous political offices. The 49-year-old is currently a candidate for the U.S. Senate seat being vacated by Mark Dayton. Since his father's death, Lucky has taken over the Dale Street property, plastering the area with signs endorsing firearm ownership (particularly for women), Christianity, and the Republican Party.

Rosenbloom has been charged with second degree assault. If convicted he could face three to seven years imprisonment and/or a $14,000 fine. A call to Rosenbloom's home was not immediately returned.

Posted by Paul Demko at May 22, 2006 03:15 PM

I'm gonna presume that he will no longer be able to work as an instructor for conceal-carry-permit classes if convicted of assault. I'm frankly uncertain as to why he's able to NOW, considering the fact that he served time in the workhouse for failing to complete a domestic abuse program after assaulting his wife in 1991.

HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOO? ANYBODY HOME? This man should not have access to guns!

Anyway, these type of shenanigans don't surprise me at all. The man is a nutcase. He's sued the Republican party at least once, (twice?) run for just about every elective office in the State of Minnesota, (as a Republican, even as those of us who know him strive to block endorsement every time) and has accused nearly everyone of being racist when they don't go along with his kookiness.

He also threatened to use his "connections" to the Speaker of the House in order to have me fired from my job a couple years back...

Bwah-hahaha!!!

What a tool.

Grrrr...

The Minnesota Dream Act

2006-05-19T17:36:00.000-07:00

Okay kids, I'm tired of hearing about the Dream Act already.

It's ridiculous.

(Aside from the fact that it's not going anywhere since the House Higher Education Omnibus bill died in committee, as I understand it...)

Here's the deal: The Dream Act, in a nutshell, changes the criteria for qualifying for resident tuition at state institutions. The key criterion is: for students without lawful immigration status, filing an affidavit that the student has or will file, at the earliest possible time, an application to obtain legal status.

So what's the problem with this, you ask? Well, I'll tell you - the premise is a joke. No undocumented immigrant is ever going to file an application to obtain legal status... because if they did, they would be refused. Furthermore, such filing would likely result in an "order for removal." (Something like deportation.)

Specifically, the United States Citizen and Immigration Services (USCIS, formerly INS) clearly states that you may not be eligible to obtain permanent resident (greencard) status if "you were not admitted or paroled into the United States after being inspected by a US immigration inspector."

What does that mean? It means, in short, that if you entered the country illegally, you CANNOT just go get a greencard. Period. Even if you marry a citizen, you still have a bigass problem if you started out in the US illegally. Most undocumented immigrants KNOW this, and they are not stupid enough to go file a form that's gonna get them deported, just so they can save some money on college tuition.

But perhaps the intent of this bill is merely to get them to lie and say they *will* file for adjustment of status, when in fact they won't?

Hmmm...

Amazing...

2006-05-19T06:22:00.000-07:00

Earlier this week I had an email exchange with an employee of Waste Management regarding my spray-painted dumpster. She informed me that WM would exchange it for a new one so that I didn't have to paint it myself.

Cool, I thought to myself, and ran out to take photos of the graffiti before the evidence was carted off.

Yesterday, much to my suprise and amusement, I noticed that my recycling bin had been exchanged.

Now I ask you: why on Earth would they switch out a pristine, white recyling bin when my email clearly described the problem as a graffiti-ed-up GREEN dumpster?

Ahhh, mysteries of the world.

Graffiti UPDATE

2006-05-18T16:31:00.000-07:00

Well, apparently the kids who tagged my poor neighbor's garage have competition... while driving up the alley today, I noticed that the original graffiti has now been obliterated by an opposing one.

But they used a different color, so at least we have some contrast now.

Sigh.

In other news, I am apparently now going to have to find a new grocery store, since Lake St. is about to get ripped up at Hiawatha. I can barely quell my roadrage on Lake as it is... what with the resident slowpokes, left-turners and suicide-byciclists. Construction will simply put me over the edge. Soooo... it's an excuse to spend twice as much at Kowalski's! Wheee!

I might even take a field trip to the new Trader Joe's in SLP... which is a HUGE leap for this parochial (if perhaps a bit ungrateful) South Minneapolitan. I'll just have to make sure it's at some bizarre time of day since I am crowd-averse and, as I indicated, subject to roadrage and the obvious "parkinglotrage."

But the real problem is this:

HOW WILL I GET TO BRUNCH AT THE TOWN TALK DINER??????

There is simply no other choice: I will have to bike. I am already planning the route in my head, so as to best avoid being nearly run over by a gravel truck. (See my Lake and Chicago post for details of that adventure.) I actually bought the very same bike as the one I had, and so now I'm plagued by a superstitous paranoia that this particular variety of purple Glacier Point Magna (ala Target) could be cursed...

But hey, I will live dangerously if the reward is a Tri-Tip Steak and Eggs brunch at the Town Talk...

(Somebody needs to show me how to hyperlink this crap like all the cool bloggers do.)

Viva el verano en la Ciudad de los Lagos!

Lake and Chicago UPDATE

2006-05-16T16:40:00.000-07:00

They painted in a turn lane today!!!

I just knew that city hallers were gonna be impacted by my blog immediately...

Look at the local artists!

2006-05-16T05:10:00.000-07:00

In view of the fact that my dumpster was recently tagged with graffiti, and since Waste Management said they'd replace it with a clean one in five days or less, I thought I'd take this opportunity to photograph my local taggers' handiwork before it disappears. (Not like I'll have to wait long for new graffiti, of course, but hey...)

Thusly inspired, I decided to take a quick jaunt down the alley and around the front of the block to see what else I could find. The tags were so numerous that I nearly got bored with the task before making it around one measly half of a block.

So here's my dumpster, to begin with, tagged not once, not twice, but THREE times.

And then there is my neighbor's trash bin... isn't that city property?

Just a few strides down the alley to the north, we find larger-scale tags on my neighbors' garages. What a shame.

I'm not sure if these are gang tags or not - the bubbly writing on one garage seems to indicate the "lone-artist" type of graffiti, (can you tell I've become an expert after a couple hours of internet research?) but I can't say for sure... at any rate, the "artist" could certainly benefit from some classes, I would say. I mean, come on - where's the pizazz???

And moving right along, we have the St. Vincent De Paul Thrift Store on Lake and 12th.

Absolutely pathetic. This building looks as if it's been officially claimed by the Surenos 13. What the hell is going on here? I can tell you this - this graffiti has been up a helluva lot long than the 20 (oh, sorry, now *10*) days permitted by the city.

Well I just noticed that my photos uploaded in reverse order. I will have to figure out what that's all about, but not now since it's time to go to work. This represents about 50% of the graffiti on my block... but I will have to post the other shots later.

Happy painting, neighbors!

Entenza wants to lower my taxes??

2006-05-15T04:55:00.000-07:00

Well this is cute:

http://www.startribune.com/587/story/432040.html

House Minority Leader Matt Entenza is trying to look like he supports property tax relief. Funny how the means by which he would accomplish this (raising taxes on foreign operating corporations) is buried within the article.

Ahhh... politics.

Lake and Chicago

2006-05-14T12:35:00.000-07:00

Will somebody please tell me whose bright idea it was to put a turn arrow on Chicago at Lake, with no damn turn lane?

Seriously people, this was a slightly short of a brilliant move. I mean, it's bad enough that my 20-minute commute grows to 45 on the way home these recent afternoons, but to sit through a green arrow because the first two cars are going straight and THEN to sit through the green light because the following two cars are turning left is just too much for me to bear. What the hell? And then you have the people who are aware of the arrow, and jam into the right lane in order to go straight, and subsequently have to zip around the left lane people who didn't realize that we are supposed to segregate ourselves based upon direction for that brief point on the otherwise single-file lane of southbound Chicago Ave traffic...

*bangs head against the wall of Robert's Shoe store*

Furthermore, to add to the frustration, let's just look at the alternative methods for crossing Lake Street from the north:

1. Cedar Ave - Yeah, uh, huh. With the construction at that intersection one can expect to pass a good 15 minutes in a queue which drags all the way back to 27th.

2. Bloomington Ave - As if! By some bizarre quirk of humanity, everyone tries to turn left at Lake and Bloom, which results in a de facto "one car per green" scenario. Don't even try to figure that one out. This backup begins at 26th...

3. Portland Ave - Okay this is a potential option, if you don't mind cutting west on 26th and wading through the morass of jaguar-driving suburbanites who flood out out of the hospital and Wells Fargo parking lots like wild animals released from the zoo. Watch out for the ones who drive over a boulevard flower bed just to beat the Beemer in front of them in their mad dash to the safety of I-94.
This is also a sub-optimal route for someone who lives east of Portland and therefore has to cut back across 31st Ave after (finally!) crossing Lake Street...

Sigh.

Last summer I tried to ease the commute between one rental property (north of Lake) and another (south of Lake) by riding my bicycle. It worked out alright until day three when I was almost killed by a gravel truck which struck my bike and dragged it about 200 feet. Needless to say, that was the end of the bike.

Somebody shoot me, please.

But wait, I have more to say!

2006-05-13T16:33:00.000-07:00

Okay, now I'm going to depress myself. There's something truly sad about my eschewing the Republican party. I have been trying to put my finger on the reason for a while and it finally came to me: this is an identity-altering move. I have been so tied up with this group for so long... and my republican-ness actually became like a personality trait; an identifying factor. I think I will mourn the loss for a while.

I mean, what will I do at cocktail parties, now that I won't be defending myself and/or GWB to every damn know-nothing liberal in the place? What will my summers be like, sans losing campaigns with which to fill my spare time? Will I actually be able to go on vacation in September? Holy crap.

And yet, it's sad.

Kind of like how I felt that time when I hacked off my (then) waist-length hair...

Oh well.

C'est la vie, I suppose.

Goodbye, Republican Party

2006-05-13T15:14:00.000-07:00

Wasn't it Mark Twain who said "If you're not a liberal by your twenties you have no heart, if you're not a conservative by your forties you have no brain," or something to that effect?

Well, regardless of who said it, I beg to differ. Over the course of the past 10 years, I felt the pull of the center like some sort of gravitational force... I tried to fight it, but who can fight gravity really? It's just there, you can't stop it.

The upsurge of social conservatism in the Republican party has been particularly helpful to my staying power either, I might add. No matter how much I try to focus on the benefits of fiscal conservatism, there's always some wingnut standing next to me, screaming about "gays" and "illegals" and just basically embarrassing the hell out of me; making me wonder what in the world I'm doing with this crazy clan.

Not that the Democrats are any better... ye gads. They have more crazies than we do... but they also have more PEOPLE in general, which helps to dilute the freakpot.

And so it is that I find myself transitioning into a lonely independent. The sad thing is that while this newfound position will theoretically protect my dignity, it virtually erases my ability to have any impact in the political realm. Without a party framework within which to operate, I am reduced to a lone activist, pissing my opinions into the gusty Minneapolis winds...

...and hence the blog.

This will be my new outlet - my place to bitch about ALL the parties, elected officials and bureaucrats. I will spare no one, from Councilman Gary Schiff to President George W. Bush.

I will RANT about every last one of them!

Brace yourself for the negativity my friends... especially you Republicans - I have LOTS of pent-up opinions, so long stifled by my attempts to toe the party line and "change from within," as they say.

Perhaps I will start with Michelle Bachmann...

Ahhh, freedom.

(Okay, maybe I'll leave Michelle for tomorrow.)